struggling with death,
rotting inside
the frailty of age
the sadness in his eyes
a stooped figure
afraid to ask what its like to die
I guess i never will
what regrets
we live to long

Could i write the eulogy of all who have passed to the side of the ancestors? grandma,
you died today
could you remember who I am
these last few years you were a child again
some would say you lost your mind
but you were there deep inside your memories
you can see us all now

you know who we are
your there with your husband
the love of your life
your home now
funny thing you said that too
i remeber grandpa sayingĶIÕm going home tommorowĶ
and he left this earth
i pray that there is a heaven up there
so someday I
and i can get to know you like I never did before, as a friend.
I was always too young to understand that you were a person too
and when I got older, you were too far gone
I hope and pray that your life gave you every dream you ever needed
and that you were happy
I donÕt want to remember you in the hospital
i remember you not you though I was
when you would cook breakfast for us on those early mornings on the farm
scrambled egss and bacon
no wonder its Dads favorite
or late at night eating cereal, when we would watch those four channels on the tv
i remember you, I always will even when your face fades from my memory or at least on the surface.
I can still see your soul
stay with me and show me all the things you never got to before

febuary 10

he left I suppose on a friday night wrapped his car arround a tree and died in his brothers arms how that feels I can only imagine

dennis if your still haning around in the atmosphere I reach out to tell you IÕm glad I got to know you your life was far to short but I hope it was every thing it could have beenit seems so hard to kow what to say at a time like this i wish that God gave me the power over words that i could have the perfect thing to say
As if i could make it all go away
but I donÕt I donÕt think those words exist
September 22

Today I lost another friend. Its easy on a day such as this to scream ŌFuck you God;Why do you take people from us?Ķ Instead we speak of death in vague terms and euphemisms as if the word choice would make the loss e times I didnÕt love like I should have loved or spoken up when I should have or when I have failed to hold on for that one extra moment and let life slip away. It kills me now especially at a time like this. I should have been more thankful for the times he brought over Taco Bell and just gave it away, for his goofiness. Was I a good enough friend or was I just one of those people that passes in and out of a life? Clay loved people. I long to be that self less to show agape to everyone.

Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, love is kind. Love does not envy nor does it boast, it is not proud it is not rude, it is not self seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but r

and now on September 25
I am beginning today like it was my last day. we never know how long we will have or what we will be doing. If I can make my dreams come true to day as well as making the lives of those around me better then I will be truly successful and life will have not been a failure.

lemon life
sex drugs and rock and roll
because in the end all this doesnÕt make you happy

figures in pain
lay down its to late
left shot and wounded
bleeding to death
one master in the darkness
cloaked with scythe in hand
dark side revealed
Ō follow me, IÕll show you things youÕll never seeĶ
get up but just in vain
time shows a piece of pain
violently struck down
bastard child have no fear
bow your head its time to die

(visual -- Rain drops Run down a house window its night time outside a tree moves in the breeze)

watching through a window as raindrops like tears fall down reminders of life's beauty and frailty. These teardrops of angels gray skies mark the nights I feel alive
reminded of you
if only memories faded away like stars on a brand new day

a little reluctant
afraid to move on
some how I know IÕll never be the same
everything changes now that your gone
so the rain pours down washing the world away

donÕt know where to go
guess IÕll drive to Baltimore
never been there before
guess IÕd like to feel the rain
things will never be the same
I should have been there
I miss you

IÕll never see you again here on earth
but someday iÕll see you again
and I may search never finding a love like yours
just memories inside
for the rest of a life
trying so hard to intertwine with yours
just one more time

so here's to you
here's to someday
someday Ill see you
but knowing your watching
from somewhere up there
IÕll make y
watch and see you'll be proud of me

(music solo out music before the beginning of a film quiet and soft to a quiet Hard like HUM)donÕt allow jelousy to destroy you. I can see it welling up inside eating you alive admire what you have in side there is no competition thats an illusion distracting you from the real race at hand the one with your self with the clock sucking your life away.