grammer word choice
transitions, personal emotions, judgements, outlooks, questions, reflections, predictions, call to action, recomendations


facist- in high school i had a choir teacher who blamed me for everything and gave me credit for nothing. A music teacher lashing back for his attempt at life gone wrong. Living life by bullshit politics playing favorites and expecting everyone to kiss his ass to achieve anything in his small town world. I grew to hate him. No matter how much harder I drove myself, how much harder I worked or tried it was always the same bullshit everyday. "Did you forget to take your medicine today?", "Looks like some one forgot his medicine." It was a really cute joke everyone got a kick out of it. I guess he was trying to compete with me cause I obviously was the biggest riot of them all. If ever the bass section would crack up his fat bald head would turn bright red and out the devils wrath would pour directly into me "Why do you have to play around? Pay attention Kyle" or any other assortment of his shitty little remarks. I Just laughed with them but it was always me I was the cause for disorder in his classroom.

farm - My earliest memories are of a small house in the country with wood grain walls and green shag carpet. Out in front there's a tree row seperating our lawn from the dirt road Where my brother and i would ride bycicles the mile down to our grandparents little white house. Every day we spent playing army in the dirt building tree houses and any other games that the imagination of a child can concieve. We moved to the city when i was five, we still went out to the country every weekend. that was a good time in life, just living. Eventually I grew up tree forts were replaced by shovels and tractors play was replaced by work. Life twists beyond us takes us places we never imagine while young.

filthy- Welcome home to my roomies clothes and junk slowly taking over the room piling up hanging from my lamp as though it were a clothes rack. The garbage and disgustingness on our floor i have never seen in my life. Crumbs of food intermingled with dust bunnies and pubic hair. I'll vacume all you got to do is wash your clothes and put them away. Fuck it i'll go somewhere else.

frustration - Wake up yells my roomates phone. He, however, chooses to ignore it opting for singing out of tune and meditating on my rug in the middle of the floor. om shanti shanti, om shanti shanti, om shati fuck up its seven in the morning i know you go to bed like a grandpa at 11 every night but i came in at like 4:30 this morning. Optimism kicks in, "at least its not Avril Lavine, Shakira the Backstreet boys or some other fucking stupid horrishitty pop music again. Just get up take your shower and go practice for a couple of hours before class for some peace of mind. "
2.Occasionally one has to go down to Los Angeles especially the valley. I am amused at the places i allow myself to be drug to sometimes. Its like a competition to see who can be the most fake. Everyone knows, no one cares, its a fundamental part of the culture. Actors everywhere kissin ass, musicians doing the same. This road I'm on does it lead to this point if so I should just walk away now. Failed attempts at acting who've spent so many hours in a tannining bed that their skin has turned to leather and though their natural self hangs like a weeping willow their tits magically retain the perkyness of a well endowed 18 year old.

fucking- Talking is masturbation with out the treat at the end, Days and days go by I wish I could be "enjoying" my girlfriend instead of " talking" to her on the phone and not getting much further than how was your day, wish you were here but its to bad your in Texas. She says "I'll be there soon", some trade offs on the status of the weather, some short stories on a couple of her friends, attempts to catch me up on inside jokes that I wasn't part of and never will be, a few minutes or more of silence because even though neither one of us really gets or takes part in the others life anymore, she still feels a conection over the air waves. Namely wasting time together but then again i guess it gives me time to relax a little step back from the chaos of this place. I keep hanging on hoping that time will pull us together shes the best thing that I've found but distance is a bitch and my eyes keep wondering around looking for some thing more tangible than a picture, a memory and the voice I don't even know on the other end of this silent line. I could match maybe even top the beauty but the soul is perfect. If she was here there would be no moral dilema no temptation to cheat or to wonder about how it would be to be with them. My morals fuck with me. Part of me wants to let go to have the freedom to find someone else. The other part looks forward to her perfectly timed visit when I can touch her and kiss her and have her legs wrap around me and for a moment let the world slip away and just be an animal for a while lay there and talk and laugh and create some new memories to keep me holding on until the next time we get too see each other. I've never been fond of poligamous relationships. I want my one that wants me and thats it, but this investment of time and lonliness leaves me wondering if its worthwhile for these small moments together and maybe the rest of my life when I'm not even ready for that. Fuck the scales i'm forced to weigh my life on and hers as well.

fulminate-we had to write a paper for fiction workshop. I tried not to but did. Maybe I am plagued by a bad attitude, maybe the world really does suck
insecure - How can I change the world when I cant get or keep the direction of three in a room?
the world keeps forcing me behind the scenes and all I want's to be up front.
that stupid part of me I let out when I have nothing to say while I work at things I don't love.
I'm so stupid some times. I like making an ass of my self.
Its fun not to be caged, its fun not to give a shit what they all think.
when I learn to direct that to transition from cut up into sorrow and back out again.
to harness my crowd and hold them in my hand and take them any place I choose
when I live my life like I write it when I say the things i want with no inhibitions.
I've got to cut my inhibitions they cannot be a part of me. Its like I'm living full throttle while riding the brakes. and all I'm doing is fighting myself....

inveigle - v - entice manipulate
invective- verbal abuse or attack