the day that I died life became vibrant, precious and clear
standing beside a newborn me
like a child again
the flower for a lily grew where my body was placed
as a child there was innocence
the past viewed in a telescoping way
yet has fiction inlaid
hey life
good morning
so happy to see another day
I turn my face towards the sun
close my eyes and feel the warm glow all around me
Almost Autumn
PARK
in a park
A name
who is she this child with so much wisdom?
search for name
A peaceful calm in the cool night air
its been a beautiful day
a moment away from raining
earlier standing by the side of the road
feet in grass so green
staring to the horizon
watching the earths silhouette against a grayish blue sky
reminds me that I
am free and alive
something in the air tonight so perfect
a touch of God
an unusual electrical charge
feeling the cold air collide against my face
surrounded by the cool night air
I dance
nothing is more precious than this moment
if I could stay here forever I would
an eternity like this
but the rain has begun to die away
And I know all to well
that it shall all be gone
and once again
IÕll be alone
Êbeautiful trees,
you see the difference in them
see the grains in the bark
up to the structure of the leaves always spreading
reaching out ward like the infinite paths of life which we have to choose from
trees diffracting like a nerve endings a synapse to another plane of existence
all the channels to be taken of all the infinite pathways you can choose only one
but eventually all lead to the air
a connection to two plains one above one below
traveling by foot across the world
in the distance a blue mist en
a dark storm brooding juxtaposed with the coming night fall
clouds gather making a dark canopy against the sky
slowly yeilding to the night
the way the moon back lit the dark clouds
exposing a giant rip in the darkness
on the edges both hard near the moon and beccoming soft as the clouds drifted away
the clouds looked like water
the light of the moon seems like ripples
a gray filter on a midnight sky
the air is so still there is a beauty in the calm
12:41
alone
by day you live one life and by night another
reality is the dream of our dreams
sleep in one wake in another
what happens when concious ness stretches across both realms
I write it down its the only way I can make sense of:
God
life
the beauty of your past
moments and loved ones taken for granted
believing and thinking for myself
peopleÕs cruelty
donÕt judge
love one another
frustrations with self
longing to fit in
wantin
drugs sex and rock and roll
things I did wrong
worry of death and the future
trying to live up to expectations
trying to let go
simple joys
dreams
struggles
a search
branches
love
from every angle - a guage by which to measure relationships our reason for living
self
female
companionship
friends
God
a father
a mother
a brother
a sister
a stranger
an enemy
the journey of discovering love and self
piece by piece putting the puzzle together
yet grand ambitions hold me and grow to overwhelm.
start from focus point zero
out forevever
in forever
at some point the two repeat
knowledge has always been a web
in a computer screen
its seen
like never before
through a newly opened door
for the longest time it was heaven there in the house with my father
we would sit and talk out on the front porch i had free run of the farm the green beauty of it all
almond trees
almost everything I have learned has been from music it followed me along so closely through life.
it been my coach an i
sure the music changes it grows evolves just as we evole and grow
it can be so simple and mean so much it almost never ends a constant barrage of melodies in the back grounds of our lives
listening to bill evens driving through the rain in the dark on the way back from a date with a lover. just like a sound track. but we manipulate it use it to control our emotions.
This is for:
the son or daughter IÔve not yet had,
brothers and sisters never met,
the world,
the under dogs,
those sitting at home alone wishing for an existence less mundane
those with everything,
those with nothing,
those that point the finger,
those that find themselves on the receiving end of it,
those who make plans for the future while life passes them by
those paths have intercepted my own with or without my or their awareness,
they walk into and out of our lives as if they were a mirage we never know who they are or where they came from
to myself to serve as a road map to self discovery
To God to give it all away the whole experience
To a world gone blind
open your eyes
to the infinity
beyond your brick walls
beyond what man has made
use what you have
where you are
grow
from the ground
to the sky
knowing: thoughts mean nothing
without action to make dreams come true
funny thats what itÕs about
pondering my perplexing placement in the current fate led moment
an introduction brought about
its summer and IÕm silently staring at the multicolored blocks of a rubics cube unchanged since 8 days after christmas.
Its so close to complete, the top two layers are done along with its white top I have not touched it since then.
a perfect alegory for my life
so close to complete, to success but I refuse to complete this puzzle for the fear of ruining the progress already made.
I have come so far, would it be worth the risk to let it all go?
this constant work in progress seems to have no end
I no longer write it it writes me
an Idea strikes
no longer do these jestings have seperation
its all become one gigantic peice of confusing art
or maybe just a puzzle i am forced to figure out
indescribable, foolish, important to the artist but
with out a story or even a plot to draw in a crowd
its boring
where is it leading
what is its purpose
i say these things to my self and ask these questions
why am I driven to do this?
its...
...my insanity shown through?
a little skitzo conversation with me and me
in all this rushing river of random ideas
i reach in to grab a mere handful as gallons rush by passing out of sight and mind
as moments are lost in the flow
why am I so slow
if I could capture the whole and sit it down in front of the world then the rubiks cube would be complete
all pieces in place and accounted for
I guess what this is really all about is my fear of dying and giving no contribution.
Art is to me an unveiling of the soul created in the hopes that someday it might change a life
or just connect and sombody could say ÒI know now that somebody else has gone through this struggleÓ
Ironically i could finish the rubiks cube and still
its like a puzzle you arenÕt meant to understand
its almost like a conversation how I peice this to gether a conversation with the self
between mes from different eras of my life
its odd to think that I am constantly becoming a new person
a better me
a me closer to my own ideal of me
i know the right and wrongs enough to know ive made some mistakes
where i think iÕm going is where I feel like iÕm supposed to go
and i couldnÕt have gotten there without where iÕve been
some would disagree
but i canÕt see that point
maybe its because i donÕt listen
laugh with me
cry with me
plummet to the pits of depravity
only to rise again
to the heights of heaven
isnÕt life a game we play
day by day by lonly day
until experiencing the realization this game is playing me
is it within our control to conquer our destinies
and live our dreams or should we just sit back relax and enjoy the ride
try and contemplate all the movements,
our advanced chaotic symphony of life
the phenomenon of each minute and hour of every single day
passing in the time of each life each untold story
recapping the whole of it you realize what was and wasnÕt important
what shaped you the mistakes for which you condemed others condemned god
what advice you didnÕt listen to
how little you actually know, looking back on your own existance with an open heart
and you thought you were so wise
lived a contrived life so far
you thought you could control your fate
realize you never had any control just direction guided by your dreams
and the manifestation of those dreams in a particular
environment
what you were told as a child
how much you wanted it
how hard you were willing to work to have it
your spirit your guide by your side
god growing up with you taking every step right beside you carrying you holding you
near and though youÕve tried to pull away
heÕs there closer than ever but still so far away
every life has a soundtrack
the music encompassing our existance as we go along this unpredictable and ireplacable journey
the songs that teach us not only in youth but also as we grow older,
touching our lives helping us through the struggles we all come to face.
assuring us that we can never feel anything completly unique to us
just combinations of pre-established feelings programmed to come along with life
know that we arenÕt robots though
we have free will
what a gift
its so crazy living i mean
you could never plan on what to expect
never predict the future
never for a solitary moment think you could control it
another life on the other side
conversations with god
help you come up with the right answers for your self
flash back to memory
funny the way you can relive life in a moment
The discovery
such a sadness
so deep
untouchable
though out years of prodding
years of digging
years of stagnation
where have I been
why can I not find me
to open up my eyes
and know its all been a dream
not real at all
shhh
can you hear it
calling
from within
so quietly
words come though me
to me
shed a tear
down a cheek
into an outstretched hand
rolling from fingers onto the floor
like it I fall
donÕt you see me at all
happy new year
falling from Faith, losing love, losing myself. Life spun me not to far from my west tx home
how differently I think I speak.
Foolishness is most dangerous when YOU think it is wisdom
stuck thinking of death and the purpose in life
Ten thousand un answered questions
clouding my thoughts
leaving me lost and empty inside
searching for an answer I fear Ill never find
Why?
wishing for all the answers
why?
ah... The question with no final definitive answer
my entire life has been spentspent searching for why
for God and Satan.
What have I found but Earth, sky, land, water, tree, all creation, l
Form the definition of god in mind, trying to find its truest meaning
a search to complete this puzzle of life.
knowing the teachings, hearing these stories a million times and still the meaning escapes.
questioning the legitimacy of such an Idea in all its grandeur and beauty, but at the same time believing what is said.
there can be no denial of the effect christ had on history, on my life.
still I cannot falsify, neither confirm or deny any realization of such a truth.
religion seems like a placebo
could it be real medicine
feeling different
a small town
music
excepting difference
finding peace
wanting more
the beckoning
a taste of love
work
its no place for me here in this prison
my mind is numbed in this social and friendly job fueled by small talk
for i cannot be one of those filling moments with small talk
I However stand silently to the side
watching them interact laughing and smiling
I know my solitude pushes them away
IÕm always the watcher
jealous of their joy
i need a job i can continuously perfect
i need to create and use my creativity
I need to move and be around people I enjoy
I need to be able to expand my mind
doubtful this job is for me
when I am here I long for the studio
writing, composing, editing is my happiness
Silently I imagine the paths converging here tonight from all different walks of life
yet sharing the bond of eating together on a friday night
and how many will pass through this meal without seeing the beauty of being something so big something so grand
sell your time its all they want your crap is all they seek
but that is it for all that we do
21
life as an adult
put these childish thin
and create my own new world
My graduation from child hood has been the longest day of my life.
4 days with very little sleep
Paul once said ÒWhen I was a child I thought like a child I talked like a child... but when i became a man I put my childish ways behind me
every thing about the moment
not the turning twenty one
I turned 21 wednesday morning a 12:00 went out to the bar
god dammit! life isnÕt about existing until the next party. It isnÕt an expression of boredom. parties donÕt make me happy anymore drunkeness isnÕt fulfilling.
I always feel that I should be creating. I donÕt fit in the social mold.
i lived in a 8 by 10 cell in levelland for 3 years now I have become the polar bear in that zoo.
They presented him with a beautiful new large bear hangout and he only paces two steps forward tuns and paces two steps back
because that was the size of the container that they had him in for most of its life
can you imagine what the world would be like if you found out you were crazy
that every thing you ever knew was a figment of your imagination
and your world was now at your control
your name is Shmee
you are insane
your brain is destroyed you ate to much acid
and your falling asleep at the wheel of the oddest car ever driven
crying Oh no,
the weed id all gone
the weed id all gone
and Franklin (longing for an alcohol drip) says she will weird us out
its
real is fake and fake is real
video games become life
as drunkeness becomes what is real
you donÕt see it the way that I see it
you cant feel it the way I feel it
defenses break upon her head
nothing may mean something
of this make sense can you
the numbness makes sense
donÕt be to slow to get to the punch
come on connect the dots
where you let go determines your flight through the air
spiraling through the darkness a 2000dB
walked out the door
in search of god in the night
not really expecting to find any thing
never thought this journey
would lead back
yet all paths
all options
inevitably bring themselves before god
garage sale
giving away pieces of life
for a price
places been
things done
all these artifacts
of a life
you see your self growing up
in the evolution of your toys
stuffed animals
imaginary friends
gaming systems as we grew into the box
telling us who to be
random ideas
in the silence the mind resonates
God was poured into us from child hood
and you are suprised that I cannot just walk away
here I am one who thinks rationally trying to find reason in an artifact of faith
such that to understand would be to fall between the cracks
and lo
thinking too hard all the time,
enjoy yourself another Idea will present itself shortly
into a life of movement
let your work speak for you in the meantime listen
our goal is to present in a few moments what most experienc in a life time
you joke that it makes no difference, but in the long run does it?
depart not from the path which fate has you assigned
wish you a good journey
avert misunderstanding by calm poise and balance
thinkin I was just gonna stick with you, I change my hoes like I change shoes
deja vu - from forgotten lives
Òto find the light one must pass through the deepest darknessÓ
I will become my own poets puppet
knowledge
THINK FOR YOURSELF
like a singer who doesnÕt sing or an artist that doesnÕt paint
ive spent the longest time feeling nothing
life within a grain of sand
4 cm off reality
disconnected
like the world is not a a part of me
Today seems like a dream, life seems like a dream.
am I dreaming
the transition felt like a dream
put my body in a rocket for a trip to the moon
ÒGo to the ledge step off and learn to flyÓ
search for the further ranging ever changing
so many want nothing more than four chords and a melody
the press sells depression
full of impending doom
something shapes us through every moment we exist
suck the marrow from life
look neither to the future nor the past for guidance
see objectives and goals and take charge
who wants to be a dreamer an idealist
be the doer the conquerer of your wildest
HereÕs a toast to making something to be
shed a tear for each left behind
Òstep right up, step right up its new, its improved its streamlined consciousnessÓ
my brain thinks alot but it doesnÕt talk about it
Its foolishness to think my insight on life is any greater than all the others.
Maybe I do see in a different way in a simpler way.
the news blasted out on every channel of the hurricane crashing into mexico, still we failed to heed the warning of the storm of the century
shot of a park bench beside a large tree enter a ragged looking old man carrying his world on his back, looks
you want to be a donkey fish, donkey fish
I want to be a donkey fish, donkey fish
and say hehaw hehaw bbbl
hehaw hehaw bbbl
we all think it
its just that everyone is to pc
too wrapped up in what people will think to say it out loud
the rocks of the mountains jutted out like fingers jutting out and pointing towards God
referencing life to the movies
i think what we are is an interactive movie
and the artist are yelling the terms
the color scheme important shapes the sound identify sound with color fog
because you donÕt understand should I allow this criticism
I need an instant memory cache
with each new twist and turn life became more and more interesting
the line between god and self
the thing that seperates the midi ins and midi outs
regards to the difference between college and high school students
are we so much wiser
has it been so long since that was me
it never changes not here
I embody everything you can but will not have
without agape life has lost its flavor
no true emotion no pure love
I never left until you pushed away
And I have tried and I have been to other worlds but then just when everything seems ok
there she is and I can not say no even though she is just fucking with my head because she can
I took one long last lingering look towards those fading tail lights blurred by the rain
falling in love with a computer technology my new love
Surfing the aquarian age
where the ocean of knowledge is free
a world within a world a new playground
technology
soon comput
internet providers will be more important than computers
music becomes disgusted with pop
techno
busted forth on to
the digital rights debate
technicality will spin you into the future
the computer becomes a mirror of the soul
with the password mirror mirror on the wall...
choose words and promises or choose action its the only thing that means a damn
one point to another stay focused
all that surrounds is the distraction
see how the destroy it by chooping it apart
we are an interactive movie
with artists yelling shots
on stage
I see that you are out there
staring at me
more and more
growing like the dark ness
clouding this path
its like a feel more alive in the emptiness
what you see and do
thinking what am I learning in each new place
I am
that is the only standard known for sure
always sell somthing
give you
record the feed back
the shops
the sun rains down and dies
begins to dive
as each closes down
and they all close down
as the suns reign falls to night
learning a riff at a time
the music lets you yell
evil is only imagined
~~~silence~~~~
lead my path
to become
what i am
reflecting back you see it the gathering and the proclomation
the story
as true as our lives
the artist shows them what is real
good and evil too
some where between the two
in the act the words become your own
aiming in the same direction as the book
god and evil is all
the eternal batlle the stories we tell
why afraid to do what is good
sell your time its what they want
your crap is all they se
out of everything we do
hold longer
it makes the changes evil and almost black
THE Gift
here you go
characters and questions
for every one
from the steel palace {reference atlas shrugged
to the cage of words
its no place for me here in this prison
for I cannot be one of those filling moments with small talk
JOURNAL
Stroud hall
there was a girl here last night I think she likes me. her friend was the one I wanted.
Anna and I shared a bond. I never understood
daniel, a skinny white poser who seemed constantly cracked out on something, is an odd character he had bleached blond hair rolled into dread locks in the front only sticking out of his Rastafarian hat.
Daniel and I had been drinking jose Quervo gold 3 shots or so. however it happens that I have a very low tolerance for alcohol. I was living in room five stroud hall at spc. housing ran perpindicular to the creative arts center, fine arts buildings and the theater. I was feelin
g a bit tipsy in the early jolly state of mind that alcohol provides me with.
With the onset of school I had gotten myself into a nice state of partying.
I was on one such escapade when the story happened.
We returned to the dorms oddly enough through the front doors rather than the side doors I generally took to avoid confrontation. They were all out there the small town football heroes I never grew up with but knew all to well. Inadvertently my attention was drawn, as it often flutters about in dreamland without my control, to the odd group of characters smoking outside the theater building. I then proceeded to do something I never do, I said Òlets go improve on stranger relations.Ó A couple of guys said cool and Across the street we went me as a first time leader
September 11, 2002
this seems like a new year
It wasnÕt the stillness or the gray sky a moment away from raining
it was the children with their hands over their hearts staring up at our flag fifty stars 13 stripes
the red white and blue
this was my reminder
of a day we will remember forever
each of us has our own account of how they found out what that day was like
that morning I woke early from a long nights conversation of
I walked out side to the stillness the silence
something was different it was in the air
a light heaviness
I felt something that made me happy to be alive When anna joined me outside
I said Ògod granted me another dayÓ A mantra for the rest of my life
when I got back to the dorm I heard the televisions
but it was unusually quiet the usual bustle wasnÕt there
I began to undress take a shower and start my day
then the phone rang
It was Pricilla
looking for Daniel
when she told me I didnÕt believe it as we talked about it, her in dis belief and me not knowing what to think the world began to slow
I hung up with Pricilla and called anna she just found out as well we talked a while hung up and joined the world staring at the Television.
one year later almost to the minute
the weather is mirrored
that same peaceful calm
only now I know more
I could have never foreseen
its not what I expected
it just goes to show how little control we really have
to those gone today we remember...
September 12, 2002
Interesting twists and turns
life takes who could have for seen it
or is it just a dream
perceive it and it is
all you need to do is make it
Anna came back into my life to day I never saw it coming
its like a continuation of what we started but never finished
were older now one year to the day
I thought about her yesterday morning waking up beside beside me on one of the most infamous days of our times
she will forever be attached to that moment
I donÕt mind it fit
the complications that followed deprived us of any thing that could have been
we made the choices though
I was a coward
she seemed insane and complicated
but today is a new day
I step out unsure of what is to come
praying for the future to bring me surprises untold
today I began my journey towards completion
today I pick up the
compile them and began to make some kind of since
out of the puzzle i have set forth on my path
I will struggle for completion
in every thing
to finish
to close a book and start
another
I hereby refuse to become a failure
I am becoming myself as a singer a musician, an engineer, a composer and engineer, a composer, a keyboardist, a guitarist, a drummer, a dj.
I am not over ambitious I am following my dream
I am seeking my calling
September 30
I have been very busy and I have thousands of things still left to do life is a crazy ride time flies by so fast but the odd contrast is how slow it appears to be moving at the same time. this I dea speeding by over slow music fits perfectly.
October 3
Ashley's birthday was yesterday. I called her on the way to play at the civic center. I feel like iÕm running a marathon. my body is so tired, yet, I must push on through one more day I must run as fast and as hard as I can and give my body the the stl coming on I need the endurance to keep going on Make my rest be the best possible nourishment help me to live like you.
11/22/02
Last night all the cards lade on the table; everybody now knows I have feelings for her. Except maybe her. She the one that fills my thoughts and yet I am afraid of that which makes her so beautiful, her naivety and innocence. I want her to come into her own, to experience life not hidden from the world. but in full force. I could love her and that is something I havenÕt felt in a long time. She makes me nervous and jittery and tingly all over. She puts me on a high and I donÕt know how to react. Such a beautiful girl too beautiful to be kept in a jar. She is a butterfly a precious butterfly. Would I
3/24/03
I ended my four month love with abby tonight she cried and I cried too.
it hurt to watch her cry I cried a little holding back tears as I tried to make sense of the un planned turn of events. It was our 4 month aneversarry. we went to the park by the rive to celebrate and just be alone together.she never looked as beautiful as she did last night, so vulnerable, i wanted no more than to hold her to make her feel happy. so much has happened recently calart mostly a dream for several years is now with in grasp and I am afraid because I never planned to have it so close so fast. I never wanted to break her heart but I know it is for the better though now that the deed is done I miss her companionship i miss knowing that sheÕs mine. I had once told christa
I have so many choices to make
so many actions to take
there is a weight building I feel its press already
there is not enough time in a day to complete all my tasks what have I done unintentionally intentionally hows it going to be with out her she i did love.
for a moment I felt like a king
living in a dream
could life be this perfect
I imagine eden
where everything is perfect
where we could be if it wasn
no work no need
all would be provided
it sounds so nice
to bad we hd to miss it
to bad we got this mess
and I know some things are better
but most of its worse
so it works
is it worth it just to know it all
so we can be so fuckin smart
we make all these lines and divisions
to make a better place when itjust messes everything up
its costing the earth to build all this power no one wants to slow down
sometimes I wish IÕd never been born at all
and I ask myself to be a void to never have lived it would be a shame not to exist to be just an empty spot
where would you have been
this ones for the under dogs
everyone that wasnÕt cool
those who never fit in
people who get fucked with by the normals ( if there is such a thing)
someday everything will be ok some day you will be on top
try to understand diligence is the key just keep hammering away
chipping away the rough edges
concrete around the segments
make a sculpture
from the shreds of you existance
trying to avoid those theives
how our dreams have a funny way of coming true
our plans have a funny way of falling through
I hate not having you near
it makes us not seem real
amazed our paths crossed
and so happy
want to become a portrait of love
a fountain of love pouring from hands of knowledge
charcoal on paper to capture
a moment deeper than action
a bond stronger than an embrace
saturate me
let me soak you in
lets fall in love
forget about the world
spend this night with me
she would stand by me love me unconditional
ADAM AND EVE
on the sixth day
women
rapport - details are important
expressive gesturesetc.
supportive
tenative
initiations maintaining
men
report
instrumental - logical
advising
certain
control conversation
I dream of you walking through the woods with you through the trees
out into a the open plains of _______
the stars in all their grandure surround us
the city lights fade in the distance
winter now
but soon comes spring
new birth new life
with this eve this new aquaintance
start jungle sequence
foolishness I ca
spring summer fall winter
birth
death
do not make her your god
i dreampt we were two indians
i was a lone warior with my queen My princess
we were far away from these lands
the grass was high things wer perfect
I saw her there in the light booth
she was so pretty, I wondered who she was lost my concentration
lost my mind lost my senses
iÕts about that time
to fall in love
for the first time
one alarm to another dreams emerge
this is the | dream of | the soundtrack | of | life |
3 1 2 4
dreams play through out our lives
I dream of life I dreampt I was there
dreaming dream dream
ambiguous life
falling away
confusion collecting clogging my flow
night time thougts rushing through my head
of today and tommorow though nothing can change them now any way
is it my fault
that your not here
well here i am again
lost like all the time before
wondering if our loves still here
and praying that it
it alwaysseems we fell apart
we lost somthing between here and there
and i wonder why you fell away
and in this gap i fear that I had made
donÕt close your eyes donÕt walk away
with out you here I canÕt face the pain any more
i need you to kiss meunderneeth the stars
and hold me like you used to do
show me that you still care about me
just donÕt hold back
you never stay for long or say too much
nothing is like it ever was
is it me
donÕt just say that nothingÕs wrong
lets keep it real there is so much more
who am I its all in the pages
written down by the soul
every thing about me has changed so much I donÕt even recognize myself in this shadow
the darkness becins to flow from the depths of my soul
and i lose control
I feel it rising from inside me coming up from be hind me
(transition down )
it slowly and steadily takes over me
The Gift
this all becomes work one day
music my never ending challenge
i canÕt beat it
so IÕll do my assignments and grow
its funny when i listen now
going back
looking at my life in reverse
God it only starts with disney tapes and green day to zimmer
i always let the music write me
and now IÕm writing the music
the old seems cheesy yet that they understand
thats how I write
all broken up
thats how lives fit together
in broken up chaos
and we are all driving towards the answer
to the question no one is asking
of course the twist side is
you exchange the no for every and you began to see an equation
you have to find the zero the one point that ties every thing together
thats god thats the god I canÕt find
because all the life thats pointing me in one direction
is
and there is no answer to why
the loose ends seem like they
might be tying together but what happens when they do
(a sky rocket shoots out of the chaos)
my quest will be complete
and iÕll just be here
with nothing
maybe IÕll postpone the ending
so iÕll have some purpose
IT doesnÕt make sense because I feel it that way
IT doesnÕt make sense because I see it that way
IT doesnÕt make sense because nothing makes sense anymore to me
I want to make a compilation cd of all the music that shaped me
but everything means something
it makes me began to see that my experience really doesnÕt matter
but it does cause everyones experience is a reflection of somthing
some pattern IÕve yet to find
the simple shit always makes the most sense
because it doesnÕt
because you can take its meaning any way you want
art is shit
that means so much
even to me who made that statement
let
why cant life be the art
why cant I speak like I write
why ask questions that start with why
why is there no answer to that question
we are the actors
living in movies
our soundtrack is life
I hate how everything is a rip off
where is a new Idea
where is inspiration
for something completely unique
my Idea isnÕt any thing any different
its just longer more encompassing
further reaching
a simple verity revealed
I love you though I find it hard to say
when your away the sky seems gray
I long to touch your face
to feel your warm embrace
ten thousand times I think of you
day dream you by my side
canÕt wait to talk to you tonight
you my lover whos never there
someday when my work is through
I will be with you
in dreams alone could I imagine
someone who made me feel
the way
never met anyone like you
maybe someday I will
sad to think
I lost the only thing
that made my life seem complete
I know iÕm a fool to feel this way
to still be in love with you
to think you could still feel the same
although IÕve screwed it all up
doing things iÕll always regret
i will never understand
why i tried to hurt you
or why i cried when it worked
so scared i will never hold you
so scared i will never fall in love again
I miss you so much
i still think about you every day
wishing you still wanted me
wishing you were still by my side
it could happen
it might not
but its up to you you always know what i want
always you, no one else could compare
if you ever have a change in heart
if you ever want me back
know iÕll be here wating for you because i still love you
i still feel you lingering
in the back of my heart
years pass
thinking she was the end
always thought i would return
that i would never move on
i was wrong
clouds twist painted purple
growing ever deeper
the air begins to turn fingers numb
all day youve been on my mind
i think about how i should love you more and more
how i have never given all that i could have
how every moment is better with you by my side
writing into chips
and building a brain
the science within
My philososphy of self
is constantly drawn back into a scenario of intolerance of the mediocrity of others
this calls into question my desires
how i long to ask for nothing from another human being
that i would earn everything that i recieve in life
the Ayn Rand philosophy:
I swear by my life and my love of it that i will
not live my life for the sake of another nor will I ask any human to live their
life for the sake of mine
i ve seen your face before
i walked your road before
in my dreams you once visited
and once i served you in the way of a child
simply leading
while falling away
and no one saw me leaving until i was gone
now the way i appear to them
to you who never answers my questions like i want you too
summer is hot,
the clock ticks against a counterpoint of fan
passing time
passing time
i want this piece to be about 4 to 5 minutes
by vocal ensemble
and played by live musicians
with a choral section
and vocal rythmns
this should be fun
then death comes
then death comes
you know what? Life's all right. the end